Wedding Shows, Midterms, and Weight Loss OH MY!

Please excuse the cheesy title. I honestly cannot help myself.

So I had to jump off of the face of the earth to tend to the circus that is my life. A few weeks ago, my groom, my maid of honor, and I all went to the Carolina Weddings Show in Winston Salem. We had a good time, hectic but good. For those of you who are curious about going to a wedding show, I will give you the highlights:

• There is a lot of walking! Even if the event center looks small, you will make many laps around the room to make sure you saw and talked to most of the vendors.
• You will find vendors that you love but could never afford. I'm looking at you The Plaids !! But all of the options will give you plenty of great ideas like hiring a service to entertain the kids while their parents party!
• There will be more samples than you thought... Cake, catering, appetizers, and meals, and more cake!  
• SO MANY COUPONS!!! Yes. So. Many. Like the best wedding gown coupon I could imagine...
• You will be tired. There is something about standing, talking, walking, and gathering information is exhausting!

If you are considering going, I will share one tip: Bring a binder and organize information as you get it. I had my planning book with me with different folders for catering, venues, attire, ect. Then as I got flyers, I just put them into their appropriate folders. This really helped me when I was thinking about specific vendors later, I could just pull out the flyer I had in mind. Honestly, it only slowed me down a little bit during the event.

Also! I have midterms. Not just me, but my groom, my maid of honor, and most of my friends have midterms. That means if I have time to talk about wedding stuff, most of the people I want to talk to don't have time.

My computer currently has tabs open for study guides and wedding dress styles. My mind isn't fully functioning on either front. If you are a student trying to plan a wedding, give yourself a long engagement. It is nice having the option to take a few weeks off of wedding planning, even if I don't want to...

And as if I don't have enough on my plate, lets add another thing. Some of my closest friends and I have taken to going to the gym... 3 times a week. I love spending my time in spin class or hot yoga or on the elliptical but sometimes I should really do my homework instead. 

Still, I go to the gym and I am striving for weight loss. Ever bride wants to be fit and toned on her wedding day and find a dress that will show off her awesome bod. Having the dress that makes her feel confident is so important. When I started going to the gym, I thought I had AGES to have the wedding body that I wanted.... Well the wedding show sped up that process for me. At the David's Bridal booth, they were handing out coupons for  $50 off wedding gowns if you made your first appointment in the next 2 months. This appointment doesn't have to be the one that you buy your gown, but you have to go and try things on. David's also does $99 gowns a few times a year... that means that I might find my dress for $49 and that is definitely broke bride friendly!!

And I am still nervous about seeing myself in a wedding gown. 

It's not just the weight that I am at... its the fear of having the "Say Yes to the Dress" moment. The moment that you put on the gown and get the rush of emotion and tears. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that but I will let you know how that goes.

Hopefully my wall of text isn't too overwhelming. Like my life right now... it's overwhelming. 

Wish me luck, 

Miss YBE

Who's Wedding is it Anyway?

So today Mr. and I went to a wedding show. We saw venue booths, rentals, photographers, caterers, bakers, and spoke to a band... and Mr. was only addressed a few times... at the tux rental booth. As if the only thing that my groom is meant to do is just stand there at the altar!

Most people STILL see a wedding as an occasion for the bride not the groom or even the couple as a unit. 

And that hurts my feelings. The vendors weren't the only ones giving Mr. the cold shoulder. Even our closest friends tell him that he doesn't have any say in the wedding - that I will plan it and let him know when to show up. We don't do things that way. In fact, here are some reasons why our wedding is about us, not me.

1. I need his help.

If Mr. isn't involved in the wedding process, I would be doing it all myself. All by myself. ALL BY MYSELF. nonononononononononononononono.

2. If its not about him AND I, it'll be about someone else.

Its amazing how many people want to be involved in the wedding. While its not (always) a bad thing, its still something to be cautious of. If he didn't want to be involved in the planning process, I would need someone else to help me. Then the ceremony would be about me and that person. And that person would understandably feel an attachment to the color scheme and venue that my groom lacked. It would be his/her wedding too.

Also! Weddings seem to bring out the best and worst in people. I'm confident in the people that Mr and I are going to invite but there will always be an issue. Someone said or didn't say something, did or didn't do something, ect. If my groom and I aren't on the same page, the day could be about that situation instead of him and I promising our lives to each other.

3. He cares about the occasion.

My man would walk away from the venue if he saw that it was covered in pink glitter. The guy would leave me at the altar and we would start over. Not kidding. And I couldn't blame him too much. The entire ceremony commemorates our new life together, we should both be represented. Mr. probably doesn't care too much about EVERY detail but he certainly has preferences - and honestly, I don't think that I care about every detail...

4. What is the point?

I understand that traditionally, the wedding was about the father of the bride handing her over to the groom. However, modern culture has redefined the point of throwing a wedding. Planning this huge event can be a real test for the relationship before it becomes legally binding. A friend once told me that I needed to go on a canoe trip with my partner before we got married. If you can canoe with someone for several days, you can do anything else with that person. Mr. YBE and I do not have a canoe (and he isn't very outdoorsy) so working together now is our "canoe trip." We will be treading water together when the thing tips over...


So hopefully the comments will die down about this being my wedding instead of our wedding, but I know on some level that I'll have to accept it. Or maybe only chew out a select few!

See you next week, XOXO,

Miss YBE

Things I'm Doing To Prepare for Planning a Wedding

Any one who knows me IRL knows that I am crazy obsessive. Now don't panic. I'm not standing over my fiance while he is sleeping and looking through his phone! I'm more research obsessive. Before we moved apartments, I spend probably 4 hours a day on websites looking for a home. The number decreased to an hour a day after we signed a lease. When we were adopting a dog, I went to every advice column and breed description and I went to the shelter every afternoon. This is just who I am.

No one was surprised that I was looking at venues after being engaged for a few hours.

Sometimes, I just want to know everything about everything. Don't judge.

To get myself feeling prepared for planning (because the real planning hasn't really happened yet...) I am learning about wedding etiquette, making notes about what I and Mr. YBE want in our wedding, and I am hoarding information. Hopefully this helps any other brides who are either panicked or obsessive like me!

Learning Wedding Etiquette

I have to admit that I may be the worst wedding guest ever. Any time that I have attended a wedding I was asked to just show up... and I did. Without gift or a clue on what to do. I never understood how frustrating it would be to say, "All I want for a gift is for you to have a good time," and be thinking "...but I really want a Kitchen-aid Mixer." So now I am learning the polite ways to say where we are registered but our priority is for everyone to have a good time, not get gifts.

The best way to learn those skills? Avoid doing homework and read an etiquette book. "The one I have is Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette" and I'm learning a lot from it. My mother bought me the Kindle Edition and saved about $10. The book discusses a lot of laws and steps required in marriage but also ways to discuss difficult subjects like avoiding certain traditions. All-in-all, I'll say that it is a good buy.

Keeping Track of What the Mr. and I Want

I feel like it is common to get mixed up in wedding planning and end up with a wedding you didn't think you wanted, at least that's what I gathered from my married friends. I also think that its important to remember where your planning journey started so that you both can reflect on that. My mother also bought me this adorable journal to keep track of my wedding planning adventures.

This book, "The Bride To Be Book", is perfect for guided notes. I don't need to worry about getting carried away with writing so I start to rant about stupid things. Who wants to look back at this exciting time and read an entry about who didn't do the dishes that day? Not me. Instead, the journal asks you to reflect on when you and your partner first met, when you knew you were in love, and the proposal story. There are also some other entries that are more related to actual planning, but we aren't there yet. I really look forward to reading this in the future. 

Hoarding ALL THE INFORMATION

Now I know that I'm not alone in thinking that Pinterest is the greatest thing for collecting information. I have taken so many venue websites and put them on my Pinterest. The site is made for collecting new ideas based on things you post. I may have fallen down a deep hole of wedding dresses and cake toppers and I really couldn't mind less. PLUS it's free. It's amazing. All brides and grooms need to have Pinterest. Pinterest.

....Remember that I mentioned I'm obsessive.


Anyway! I hope this helps out someone on the interwebs or maybe made someone I know laugh. I think that I am going to cut down to one post a week so that I don't run out of things to talk about. It is a long engagement! If you have a question or more advice, you can put that in the comments or tweet it to me @BrokeAndEngaged

XOXO,

Miss YBE

Advice That I Get From Strangers

One thing about me: I love asking open ended questions.

I once asked a young boy that I babysat some advice on picking out a dog to adopt. His advice: Pick a young one. It'll last longer. And this is one of my favorite memories of this kid.

Open ended questions give me an insight into someone else's world or into how they imagine my world. I have asked my friends, family, classmates, teachers, and strangers the most random or insightful questions I can think of. "How do you eat your ramen?", "What do you call your grandparents?", "What did you want to be when you were a kid?" Something about this fascinates.

Being engaged gave me a new topic to ask about. Here are some of my favorite responses.

From the stranger at the jewelry store:

"Never go to bed angry. Whatever you fought about with eat at you." 

This man was a master clown that was getting some old watches repaired. The Mr. and I were still glowing from our brand new engagement and when he congratulated us he also gave us this advice. The clown has been married for 30 years and have 3 kids, if this advice works for him we will definitely give it a shot! And while this advice is definitely well known, its a much needed reminder for such a stubborn pair (the Mr. and I).


From a classmate:

"Let marriage be something you're worried about. It matters."

I'm sure this advice might have been in response to all of the people that my classmate has seen get married and divorced but I really like it. In the bliss and romance of it all, its so important to remember that a wedding isn't just a social occasion. Its a promise to spend the rest of your life with the one you meet at the end of the aisle.


From another classmate:

"Be sure you're marrying the person you like to be around. Your partner needs to be your best friend."

He made sure to tell me that he finds his wife to be the most beautiful woman in the world but that's not why he married her. The woman he married is his best friend. Even if she wasn't beautiful, he would still want to spend his life with her. You can't marry someone because they are beautiful or wealthy because those qualities can fade. When you choose your partner, it must be someone you can just be with.


From a future in-law:

"When you get married, you're creating a new family. You need to defend that family, even from the old one."

This advice seems strange but this in-law lived it. Your partner nor your family are always going to say the right thing. Sometimes you need to side with the one you wed. Working to protect your spouse means to protect your marriage. With that being said, we have to hold each other accountable for our words and actions. It always helps to be a unit and not argue in front of family.


So! This is some of the advice that I've gotten. If you have some more please leave a comment below.

XOXO,

Miss YBE

You're Very Sweet... But I Don't Want You to Pay for My Wedding.

I know that when people offer to "help out" with wedding costs they are doing so out of the kindness of their hearts but I really cannot accept.

I've always had an issue with being offered handouts but where a wedding is concerned its a REAL issue. Never in my life have I borrowed money that I felt good about. If I had trouble paying bills, I would sell some of my clothes and gadgets. Why would I want to borrow money for the ceremony that says that I'm old enough to get married?

The fiance and I are planning to pay for the wedding ourselves. There might be help from my mother for the traditional things (dress, ect.) but mostly this is our affair. We always wanted a small wedding (and I'm quite partial to eloping) so having something small and intimate is at the top of our wishlist.

Because the wedding will be small, we will not be inviting everyone we've ever met. The only friends (and distant family) invited will be the ones that we both share memories with already. If people only I know or he knows tries to give us money it would be like they're buying a ticket to the most beautiful day of our lives. And that makes me cringe. I care very deeply about me friends and "once-I-knew-ya"s but this isn't just MY wedding. It's a union of me and my fiance and the life we're building together (and that includes the people we surround ourselves with).

Our wedding is be extra beautiful because we WORKED for it. We are picking up new jobs and making decorations. I don't think it would mean as much if we "sold tickets" and missed out on this opportunity to work together.

With 18 months to save and spend, we can do it. Right?

The Proposal Story!

Oh yes. The proposal story. The most beautiful moment of a woman's life where she starts her journey into "Mrs-hood". Many people see the perfect proposal as one with these characterists...

1. Sunset at a scenic location (beach, mountain top, ect.)

2. Music that seemingly comes from nowhere (because bands can be creepy)

3. Everyone involved looks gorgeous (bride has her hair curled and make-up on. groom has on that shirt he only wears for special occasions)

4. The man on his knee has a wonderful speech prepared (that he can get through without the proposee interupting.)

5. A descrete photographer that captures the moment while also knowing your good side.

My Proposal wasn't like that at all. In fact, it was the craziest and fastest moment of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

It was New Year's Eve, welcoming 2016. For weeks, my then-boyfriend and I were joking back and forth about getting engaged. (i.e. When we would get in the car to go run an errand, I would look at him and say "So we're on our way to my surprise proposal, right?") I was only torturing him because I didn't think that we would have a proposal until the next summer at the earliest. With this information, now I can share a timeline...

4:00 pm- My boyfriend grabs his computer and sits on the couch "trying to act normal" and I start working on his sister's hair. She was going to a party with her friends (including my little sister).

5:00 pm- Boyfriend is still sitting on the couch. I say goodbye to his little sister and expect to see her the next day,

6:00 pm- 11:55 pm - Boyfriend is still sitting on the couch and I pass the time playing Sims.

11:56 pm- Boyfriend's mother asks me to join her in the kitchen. (While boyfriend's father sets up a camera.)

11:58 pm- Boyfriend's mother is still looking at me as if she can't find the words to say (she couldn't). Our sisters, 2 of their friends, and boyfriend's cousin run into the house saying that something happened at the party and it was too awkward to stay.

11:59 pm- We grab our glasses and prepare for the countdown.

Midnight! Happy New Year! We have our New Year's Kiss and while we kiss he digs into his pocket and takes out a ring! I look at the TV and back to him to see him on his knee. I gasp and start to cry. I didn't even say yes until the next day!

How it wasn't perfect:

1. We weren't at the beach or on a mountain, we were in his parent's living room.

2. The only sounds were my gasps and cries over the Dick Clark's New Year's Special.

3. I wore house shoes, no make-up, and leggings - I wasn't looking photo ready.

4. My fiance didn't prepare a speech (he knew I wouldn't let him speak)

5. The photographer was the camcorder hidden on the shelf and our sisters stood in front of it. I will have to make a post about the video, it's amazing.

But it was perfect for me. My relationship isn't perfect but we find the beautiful in the flawed and we love our imperfect life together.

Telling Our Friends and Family: How I Messed it Up.

I have been engaged for 12 amazing days. I should still be squealing with excitement, right? Right? Unfortunately squealing is only fun when there are other people to squeal with.

And right now you're thinking, "But your Young, Broke, and Engaged. HOW COULD THEY NOT BE EXCITED AND SHOCKED?" I'll reply with, "Because they weren't surprised."

Okay. Some people were definitely surprised but now one close enough to have heard me talk about my boyfriend (now fiance) and how much I wanted to get engaged. They must've been thinking that I finally talked him into it or something. (He swears this isn't the case.) So instead of our closest friends and family thinking that this is was beautiful and shocking (it definitely was) they thought that it was about time.

The other people that would have screamed and danced around with me were already there when it happened. Can't break the news about something they've already seen!

PLEASE LEARN FROM ME. I talked about my promising relationship wayy too much for people to enjoy and squeal this special moment for me.

"BUT YBE, everyone must've been surprised because of your age!"

That isn't the case either. In Small Town, USA, 20 is the perfect age to promise yourself to your high school sweetheart. In fact! I wasn't even the 5th person in my graduating class to get engaged. Now I find myself clumped into the rest of the people that others complain about... "Everyone on my Facebook feed is either getting married and having babies." Yup. That's me.

Now don't think that I'm not excited about marrying my lovely fiance, because I definitely am. Instead of doing happy dances with everyone I've ever met, I'll just enjoy the bliss before the madness of wedding planning begins.

Besides, its me that is getting married, not everyone else.