Who's Wedding is it Anyway?

So today Mr. and I went to a wedding show. We saw venue booths, rentals, photographers, caterers, bakers, and spoke to a band... and Mr. was only addressed a few times... at the tux rental booth. As if the only thing that my groom is meant to do is just stand there at the altar!

Most people STILL see a wedding as an occasion for the bride not the groom or even the couple as a unit. 

And that hurts my feelings. The vendors weren't the only ones giving Mr. the cold shoulder. Even our closest friends tell him that he doesn't have any say in the wedding - that I will plan it and let him know when to show up. We don't do things that way. In fact, here are some reasons why our wedding is about us, not me.

1. I need his help.

If Mr. isn't involved in the wedding process, I would be doing it all myself. All by myself. ALL BY MYSELF. nonononononononononononononono.

2. If its not about him AND I, it'll be about someone else.

Its amazing how many people want to be involved in the wedding. While its not (always) a bad thing, its still something to be cautious of. If he didn't want to be involved in the planning process, I would need someone else to help me. Then the ceremony would be about me and that person. And that person would understandably feel an attachment to the color scheme and venue that my groom lacked. It would be his/her wedding too.

Also! Weddings seem to bring out the best and worst in people. I'm confident in the people that Mr and I are going to invite but there will always be an issue. Someone said or didn't say something, did or didn't do something, ect. If my groom and I aren't on the same page, the day could be about that situation instead of him and I promising our lives to each other.

3. He cares about the occasion.

My man would walk away from the venue if he saw that it was covered in pink glitter. The guy would leave me at the altar and we would start over. Not kidding. And I couldn't blame him too much. The entire ceremony commemorates our new life together, we should both be represented. Mr. probably doesn't care too much about EVERY detail but he certainly has preferences - and honestly, I don't think that I care about every detail...

4. What is the point?

I understand that traditionally, the wedding was about the father of the bride handing her over to the groom. However, modern culture has redefined the point of throwing a wedding. Planning this huge event can be a real test for the relationship before it becomes legally binding. A friend once told me that I needed to go on a canoe trip with my partner before we got married. If you can canoe with someone for several days, you can do anything else with that person. Mr. YBE and I do not have a canoe (and he isn't very outdoorsy) so working together now is our "canoe trip." We will be treading water together when the thing tips over...


So hopefully the comments will die down about this being my wedding instead of our wedding, but I know on some level that I'll have to accept it. Or maybe only chew out a select few!

See you next week, XOXO,

Miss YBE

The Proposal Story!

Oh yes. The proposal story. The most beautiful moment of a woman's life where she starts her journey into "Mrs-hood". Many people see the perfect proposal as one with these characterists...

1. Sunset at a scenic location (beach, mountain top, ect.)

2. Music that seemingly comes from nowhere (because bands can be creepy)

3. Everyone involved looks gorgeous (bride has her hair curled and make-up on. groom has on that shirt he only wears for special occasions)

4. The man on his knee has a wonderful speech prepared (that he can get through without the proposee interupting.)

5. A descrete photographer that captures the moment while also knowing your good side.

My Proposal wasn't like that at all. In fact, it was the craziest and fastest moment of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

It was New Year's Eve, welcoming 2016. For weeks, my then-boyfriend and I were joking back and forth about getting engaged. (i.e. When we would get in the car to go run an errand, I would look at him and say "So we're on our way to my surprise proposal, right?") I was only torturing him because I didn't think that we would have a proposal until the next summer at the earliest. With this information, now I can share a timeline...

4:00 pm- My boyfriend grabs his computer and sits on the couch "trying to act normal" and I start working on his sister's hair. She was going to a party with her friends (including my little sister).

5:00 pm- Boyfriend is still sitting on the couch. I say goodbye to his little sister and expect to see her the next day,

6:00 pm- 11:55 pm - Boyfriend is still sitting on the couch and I pass the time playing Sims.

11:56 pm- Boyfriend's mother asks me to join her in the kitchen. (While boyfriend's father sets up a camera.)

11:58 pm- Boyfriend's mother is still looking at me as if she can't find the words to say (she couldn't). Our sisters, 2 of their friends, and boyfriend's cousin run into the house saying that something happened at the party and it was too awkward to stay.

11:59 pm- We grab our glasses and prepare for the countdown.

Midnight! Happy New Year! We have our New Year's Kiss and while we kiss he digs into his pocket and takes out a ring! I look at the TV and back to him to see him on his knee. I gasp and start to cry. I didn't even say yes until the next day!

How it wasn't perfect:

1. We weren't at the beach or on a mountain, we were in his parent's living room.

2. The only sounds were my gasps and cries over the Dick Clark's New Year's Special.

3. I wore house shoes, no make-up, and leggings - I wasn't looking photo ready.

4. My fiance didn't prepare a speech (he knew I wouldn't let him speak)

5. The photographer was the camcorder hidden on the shelf and our sisters stood in front of it. I will have to make a post about the video, it's amazing.

But it was perfect for me. My relationship isn't perfect but we find the beautiful in the flawed and we love our imperfect life together.

Telling Our Friends and Family: How I Messed it Up.

I have been engaged for 12 amazing days. I should still be squealing with excitement, right? Right? Unfortunately squealing is only fun when there are other people to squeal with.

And right now you're thinking, "But your Young, Broke, and Engaged. HOW COULD THEY NOT BE EXCITED AND SHOCKED?" I'll reply with, "Because they weren't surprised."

Okay. Some people were definitely surprised but now one close enough to have heard me talk about my boyfriend (now fiance) and how much I wanted to get engaged. They must've been thinking that I finally talked him into it or something. (He swears this isn't the case.) So instead of our closest friends and family thinking that this is was beautiful and shocking (it definitely was) they thought that it was about time.

The other people that would have screamed and danced around with me were already there when it happened. Can't break the news about something they've already seen!

PLEASE LEARN FROM ME. I talked about my promising relationship wayy too much for people to enjoy and squeal this special moment for me.

"BUT YBE, everyone must've been surprised because of your age!"

That isn't the case either. In Small Town, USA, 20 is the perfect age to promise yourself to your high school sweetheart. In fact! I wasn't even the 5th person in my graduating class to get engaged. Now I find myself clumped into the rest of the people that others complain about... "Everyone on my Facebook feed is either getting married and having babies." Yup. That's me.

Now don't think that I'm not excited about marrying my lovely fiance, because I definitely am. Instead of doing happy dances with everyone I've ever met, I'll just enjoy the bliss before the madness of wedding planning begins.

Besides, its me that is getting married, not everyone else.

I Love my FAKE Engagement Ring

The fiance and I agreed to pick out my engagement ring together so that we could find something to match our eventual wedding bands. He, however, wanted a "token" engagement ring to give me when he proposed. We talked about engagement rings before the proposal and I had (apparently) a weird request.

I wanted a fake and cheap engagement ring. 

If you are anything like my family, then please wipe that look off your face. I will explain.

1. THE PRICE

Fiance and I do not own a home, we share one car, and we have a pathetic savings account for a real wedding. Putting several thousand dollars into a piece of jewelry is not a practical option for us. Why start a beautiful marriage with MORE debt?

2. OOOUUUCHHH

Did you know that couples have to insure their rings? The idea of wearing something so valuable on my hand (the hand that I use to clean a litter box and shampoo my hair) physically hurts me. Even rings that look very expensive make me feel like a person that I don't want to be. I don't want to allow other people to make assumptions about me and my fiance based on a piece of jewelry.

3. I TRUST HIM

If my ring were to break (and a malfunction did cause a stone to come loose...) I know that my man will replace it. The even BIGGER reason than that... I trust that his love and commitment isn't measured in the money he's invested in me.

Hopefully this all makes sense... It really meant a lot to me that he did not spend more than $50 on my ring. This is a ring that he bought me as my "token"

http://amzn.to/1PdyZzI

Its quite a bit more sparkly (and expensive looking) than I wanted but Mr. picked it out all by himself with my request and hints over the past few months. That means so much to me. Also, the scroll detail on the side is SO BEAUTIFUL! We will eventually buy something else to match our bands and at that point, we might return this one or not.

I love this ring because my fiance picked it out and I don't have to fear that price tag on my finger, that's amazing to me.

Why Get Engaged When Young and Broke?

I know that I wouldn't be doing proper justice to this blog if I didn't address this obvious question. In fact, when my FIANCE (still not used to that...) told his best friend his immediate reaction was "Why?" Although I wasn't happy, I have to understand that 20 year olds don't usually get engaged without a father holding a shotgun to the boyfriend's head to defend his prego daughter's dignity.

The Dating Situation:

The Mr. and I have been dating since I was 16 so we've gotten to grow up together. We moved to a strange city together when I was 18. So I think that we've had enough challenges to ensure that we'd work well together in the long term. We've lived together, moved together, adopted animals together, been to weddings and funerals together, and been to the hospital together. He's an amazing support and we've definitely learned how to communicate with each other.

The Complicated Situation:

I have a... strained relationship with my blood family. My father is deceased and I am not incredibly close to my mom. With this in mind, I have spent most holidays with my partner's family. I feel very connected to my future in-laws and it really ate at us that I was still an outsider. It meant a lot to me to share a name with my family of choice.

The Money Situation:

My fiance and I are both college students. He will graduate in a few months with a Computer Science degree and may end up working IT. I will graduate a few months before we wed in 2017 to become a teacher the next fall. We will never be wealthy. Our parents aren't wealthy. It doesn't make sense to spend $15,000 on a wedding that will put us all in debt. As much as I'd love to elope, sharing this moment with our closest friends and family means a lot to us. So... a real wedding is in our future.


So! I hope this answers some questions. I will post soon about my lovely engagement ring and how much I love having a fake ring.

XOXO,

YBE