Wedding Shows, Midterms, and Weight Loss OH MY!

Please excuse the cheesy title. I honestly cannot help myself.

So I had to jump off of the face of the earth to tend to the circus that is my life. A few weeks ago, my groom, my maid of honor, and I all went to the Carolina Weddings Show in Winston Salem. We had a good time, hectic but good. For those of you who are curious about going to a wedding show, I will give you the highlights:

• There is a lot of walking! Even if the event center looks small, you will make many laps around the room to make sure you saw and talked to most of the vendors.
• You will find vendors that you love but could never afford. I'm looking at you The Plaids !! But all of the options will give you plenty of great ideas like hiring a service to entertain the kids while their parents party!
• There will be more samples than you thought... Cake, catering, appetizers, and meals, and more cake!  
• SO MANY COUPONS!!! Yes. So. Many. Like the best wedding gown coupon I could imagine...
• You will be tired. There is something about standing, talking, walking, and gathering information is exhausting!

If you are considering going, I will share one tip: Bring a binder and organize information as you get it. I had my planning book with me with different folders for catering, venues, attire, ect. Then as I got flyers, I just put them into their appropriate folders. This really helped me when I was thinking about specific vendors later, I could just pull out the flyer I had in mind. Honestly, it only slowed me down a little bit during the event.

Also! I have midterms. Not just me, but my groom, my maid of honor, and most of my friends have midterms. That means if I have time to talk about wedding stuff, most of the people I want to talk to don't have time.

My computer currently has tabs open for study guides and wedding dress styles. My mind isn't fully functioning on either front. If you are a student trying to plan a wedding, give yourself a long engagement. It is nice having the option to take a few weeks off of wedding planning, even if I don't want to...

And as if I don't have enough on my plate, lets add another thing. Some of my closest friends and I have taken to going to the gym... 3 times a week. I love spending my time in spin class or hot yoga or on the elliptical but sometimes I should really do my homework instead. 

Still, I go to the gym and I am striving for weight loss. Ever bride wants to be fit and toned on her wedding day and find a dress that will show off her awesome bod. Having the dress that makes her feel confident is so important. When I started going to the gym, I thought I had AGES to have the wedding body that I wanted.... Well the wedding show sped up that process for me. At the David's Bridal booth, they were handing out coupons for  $50 off wedding gowns if you made your first appointment in the next 2 months. This appointment doesn't have to be the one that you buy your gown, but you have to go and try things on. David's also does $99 gowns a few times a year... that means that I might find my dress for $49 and that is definitely broke bride friendly!!

And I am still nervous about seeing myself in a wedding gown. 

It's not just the weight that I am at... its the fear of having the "Say Yes to the Dress" moment. The moment that you put on the gown and get the rush of emotion and tears. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that but I will let you know how that goes.

Hopefully my wall of text isn't too overwhelming. Like my life right now... it's overwhelming. 

Wish me luck, 

Miss YBE

Who's Wedding is it Anyway?

So today Mr. and I went to a wedding show. We saw venue booths, rentals, photographers, caterers, bakers, and spoke to a band... and Mr. was only addressed a few times... at the tux rental booth. As if the only thing that my groom is meant to do is just stand there at the altar!

Most people STILL see a wedding as an occasion for the bride not the groom or even the couple as a unit. 

And that hurts my feelings. The vendors weren't the only ones giving Mr. the cold shoulder. Even our closest friends tell him that he doesn't have any say in the wedding - that I will plan it and let him know when to show up. We don't do things that way. In fact, here are some reasons why our wedding is about us, not me.

1. I need his help.

If Mr. isn't involved in the wedding process, I would be doing it all myself. All by myself. ALL BY MYSELF. nonononononononononononononono.

2. If its not about him AND I, it'll be about someone else.

Its amazing how many people want to be involved in the wedding. While its not (always) a bad thing, its still something to be cautious of. If he didn't want to be involved in the planning process, I would need someone else to help me. Then the ceremony would be about me and that person. And that person would understandably feel an attachment to the color scheme and venue that my groom lacked. It would be his/her wedding too.

Also! Weddings seem to bring out the best and worst in people. I'm confident in the people that Mr and I are going to invite but there will always be an issue. Someone said or didn't say something, did or didn't do something, ect. If my groom and I aren't on the same page, the day could be about that situation instead of him and I promising our lives to each other.

3. He cares about the occasion.

My man would walk away from the venue if he saw that it was covered in pink glitter. The guy would leave me at the altar and we would start over. Not kidding. And I couldn't blame him too much. The entire ceremony commemorates our new life together, we should both be represented. Mr. probably doesn't care too much about EVERY detail but he certainly has preferences - and honestly, I don't think that I care about every detail...

4. What is the point?

I understand that traditionally, the wedding was about the father of the bride handing her over to the groom. However, modern culture has redefined the point of throwing a wedding. Planning this huge event can be a real test for the relationship before it becomes legally binding. A friend once told me that I needed to go on a canoe trip with my partner before we got married. If you can canoe with someone for several days, you can do anything else with that person. Mr. YBE and I do not have a canoe (and he isn't very outdoorsy) so working together now is our "canoe trip." We will be treading water together when the thing tips over...


So hopefully the comments will die down about this being my wedding instead of our wedding, but I know on some level that I'll have to accept it. Or maybe only chew out a select few!

See you next week, XOXO,

Miss YBE

Things I'm Doing To Prepare for Planning a Wedding

Any one who knows me IRL knows that I am crazy obsessive. Now don't panic. I'm not standing over my fiance while he is sleeping and looking through his phone! I'm more research obsessive. Before we moved apartments, I spend probably 4 hours a day on websites looking for a home. The number decreased to an hour a day after we signed a lease. When we were adopting a dog, I went to every advice column and breed description and I went to the shelter every afternoon. This is just who I am.

No one was surprised that I was looking at venues after being engaged for a few hours.

Sometimes, I just want to know everything about everything. Don't judge.

To get myself feeling prepared for planning (because the real planning hasn't really happened yet...) I am learning about wedding etiquette, making notes about what I and Mr. YBE want in our wedding, and I am hoarding information. Hopefully this helps any other brides who are either panicked or obsessive like me!

Learning Wedding Etiquette

I have to admit that I may be the worst wedding guest ever. Any time that I have attended a wedding I was asked to just show up... and I did. Without gift or a clue on what to do. I never understood how frustrating it would be to say, "All I want for a gift is for you to have a good time," and be thinking "...but I really want a Kitchen-aid Mixer." So now I am learning the polite ways to say where we are registered but our priority is for everyone to have a good time, not get gifts.

The best way to learn those skills? Avoid doing homework and read an etiquette book. "The one I have is Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette" and I'm learning a lot from it. My mother bought me the Kindle Edition and saved about $10. The book discusses a lot of laws and steps required in marriage but also ways to discuss difficult subjects like avoiding certain traditions. All-in-all, I'll say that it is a good buy.

Keeping Track of What the Mr. and I Want

I feel like it is common to get mixed up in wedding planning and end up with a wedding you didn't think you wanted, at least that's what I gathered from my married friends. I also think that its important to remember where your planning journey started so that you both can reflect on that. My mother also bought me this adorable journal to keep track of my wedding planning adventures.

This book, "The Bride To Be Book", is perfect for guided notes. I don't need to worry about getting carried away with writing so I start to rant about stupid things. Who wants to look back at this exciting time and read an entry about who didn't do the dishes that day? Not me. Instead, the journal asks you to reflect on when you and your partner first met, when you knew you were in love, and the proposal story. There are also some other entries that are more related to actual planning, but we aren't there yet. I really look forward to reading this in the future. 

Hoarding ALL THE INFORMATION

Now I know that I'm not alone in thinking that Pinterest is the greatest thing for collecting information. I have taken so many venue websites and put them on my Pinterest. The site is made for collecting new ideas based on things you post. I may have fallen down a deep hole of wedding dresses and cake toppers and I really couldn't mind less. PLUS it's free. It's amazing. All brides and grooms need to have Pinterest. Pinterest.

....Remember that I mentioned I'm obsessive.


Anyway! I hope this helps out someone on the interwebs or maybe made someone I know laugh. I think that I am going to cut down to one post a week so that I don't run out of things to talk about. It is a long engagement! If you have a question or more advice, you can put that in the comments or tweet it to me @BrokeAndEngaged

XOXO,

Miss YBE

You're Very Sweet... But I Don't Want You to Pay for My Wedding.

I know that when people offer to "help out" with wedding costs they are doing so out of the kindness of their hearts but I really cannot accept.

I've always had an issue with being offered handouts but where a wedding is concerned its a REAL issue. Never in my life have I borrowed money that I felt good about. If I had trouble paying bills, I would sell some of my clothes and gadgets. Why would I want to borrow money for the ceremony that says that I'm old enough to get married?

The fiance and I are planning to pay for the wedding ourselves. There might be help from my mother for the traditional things (dress, ect.) but mostly this is our affair. We always wanted a small wedding (and I'm quite partial to eloping) so having something small and intimate is at the top of our wishlist.

Because the wedding will be small, we will not be inviting everyone we've ever met. The only friends (and distant family) invited will be the ones that we both share memories with already. If people only I know or he knows tries to give us money it would be like they're buying a ticket to the most beautiful day of our lives. And that makes me cringe. I care very deeply about me friends and "once-I-knew-ya"s but this isn't just MY wedding. It's a union of me and my fiance and the life we're building together (and that includes the people we surround ourselves with).

Our wedding is be extra beautiful because we WORKED for it. We are picking up new jobs and making decorations. I don't think it would mean as much if we "sold tickets" and missed out on this opportunity to work together.

With 18 months to save and spend, we can do it. Right?

Telling Our Friends and Family: How I Messed it Up.

I have been engaged for 12 amazing days. I should still be squealing with excitement, right? Right? Unfortunately squealing is only fun when there are other people to squeal with.

And right now you're thinking, "But your Young, Broke, and Engaged. HOW COULD THEY NOT BE EXCITED AND SHOCKED?" I'll reply with, "Because they weren't surprised."

Okay. Some people were definitely surprised but now one close enough to have heard me talk about my boyfriend (now fiance) and how much I wanted to get engaged. They must've been thinking that I finally talked him into it or something. (He swears this isn't the case.) So instead of our closest friends and family thinking that this is was beautiful and shocking (it definitely was) they thought that it was about time.

The other people that would have screamed and danced around with me were already there when it happened. Can't break the news about something they've already seen!

PLEASE LEARN FROM ME. I talked about my promising relationship wayy too much for people to enjoy and squeal this special moment for me.

"BUT YBE, everyone must've been surprised because of your age!"

That isn't the case either. In Small Town, USA, 20 is the perfect age to promise yourself to your high school sweetheart. In fact! I wasn't even the 5th person in my graduating class to get engaged. Now I find myself clumped into the rest of the people that others complain about... "Everyone on my Facebook feed is either getting married and having babies." Yup. That's me.

Now don't think that I'm not excited about marrying my lovely fiance, because I definitely am. Instead of doing happy dances with everyone I've ever met, I'll just enjoy the bliss before the madness of wedding planning begins.

Besides, its me that is getting married, not everyone else.

I Love my FAKE Engagement Ring

The fiance and I agreed to pick out my engagement ring together so that we could find something to match our eventual wedding bands. He, however, wanted a "token" engagement ring to give me when he proposed. We talked about engagement rings before the proposal and I had (apparently) a weird request.

I wanted a fake and cheap engagement ring. 

If you are anything like my family, then please wipe that look off your face. I will explain.

1. THE PRICE

Fiance and I do not own a home, we share one car, and we have a pathetic savings account for a real wedding. Putting several thousand dollars into a piece of jewelry is not a practical option for us. Why start a beautiful marriage with MORE debt?

2. OOOUUUCHHH

Did you know that couples have to insure their rings? The idea of wearing something so valuable on my hand (the hand that I use to clean a litter box and shampoo my hair) physically hurts me. Even rings that look very expensive make me feel like a person that I don't want to be. I don't want to allow other people to make assumptions about me and my fiance based on a piece of jewelry.

3. I TRUST HIM

If my ring were to break (and a malfunction did cause a stone to come loose...) I know that my man will replace it. The even BIGGER reason than that... I trust that his love and commitment isn't measured in the money he's invested in me.

Hopefully this all makes sense... It really meant a lot to me that he did not spend more than $50 on my ring. This is a ring that he bought me as my "token"

http://amzn.to/1PdyZzI

Its quite a bit more sparkly (and expensive looking) than I wanted but Mr. picked it out all by himself with my request and hints over the past few months. That means so much to me. Also, the scroll detail on the side is SO BEAUTIFUL! We will eventually buy something else to match our bands and at that point, we might return this one or not.

I love this ring because my fiance picked it out and I don't have to fear that price tag on my finger, that's amazing to me.

Why Get Engaged When Young and Broke?

I know that I wouldn't be doing proper justice to this blog if I didn't address this obvious question. In fact, when my FIANCE (still not used to that...) told his best friend his immediate reaction was "Why?" Although I wasn't happy, I have to understand that 20 year olds don't usually get engaged without a father holding a shotgun to the boyfriend's head to defend his prego daughter's dignity.

The Dating Situation:

The Mr. and I have been dating since I was 16 so we've gotten to grow up together. We moved to a strange city together when I was 18. So I think that we've had enough challenges to ensure that we'd work well together in the long term. We've lived together, moved together, adopted animals together, been to weddings and funerals together, and been to the hospital together. He's an amazing support and we've definitely learned how to communicate with each other.

The Complicated Situation:

I have a... strained relationship with my blood family. My father is deceased and I am not incredibly close to my mom. With this in mind, I have spent most holidays with my partner's family. I feel very connected to my future in-laws and it really ate at us that I was still an outsider. It meant a lot to me to share a name with my family of choice.

The Money Situation:

My fiance and I are both college students. He will graduate in a few months with a Computer Science degree and may end up working IT. I will graduate a few months before we wed in 2017 to become a teacher the next fall. We will never be wealthy. Our parents aren't wealthy. It doesn't make sense to spend $15,000 on a wedding that will put us all in debt. As much as I'd love to elope, sharing this moment with our closest friends and family means a lot to us. So... a real wedding is in our future.


So! I hope this answers some questions. I will post soon about my lovely engagement ring and how much I love having a fake ring.

XOXO,

YBE